i.. don't.. know.

this..sucks. yeh. i hate this. i'm feeling what shouldn't be felt right now. it's like it's the same old story. just to get it straight, i still fell.. not here. okay, i know people won't get this. you see, i felt good already. i felt.. haha. i can't explain it.. well, i felt that things are going back to noraml. you get what i mean? anyway, you probably don't. i just feel the same as before. that's probably my point.. basta, THIS SUCKS.

i did it :))

very short post..

just to say:

I DID IT :)) WEEEEEEEEE! :))

feeling mo lang :P *dedicated to all my friends :)

haha. medyo malabo title ko :)) haha. anyways, just wanted to say na, if ever you feel ALONE, like i do, did and will, try hard to think na that it's not true, 'coz it's really not true. you think that 'coz that's what you force yourself to think. if ever you feel that way, allow yourself 1-2 days maximum to think.. about, well, everything.. the way you feel and all. (but, i violated my own advice.. haha. siguro, 2 weeks ako? haha!) back to the topic.. then, talk to your friends, family, or kung kanino ka medyo nahuhurt.. ( again. i violated it :)) yey me? ) then yun.. tell them what you feel, how you felt before and currently (another violation :) haha! ) so, yun.. and then, hope for the best! remember: "you are never alone :)"

*okay. i gave a blog advice :)) haha. medyo na-inspire lang ng kaunti.. dahil sa friends ko :)) thanks sa inyong lahat :) thanks na ayaw niyo kong masaktan and maging sad.. thanks na, hindi niyo ako pinababayaan kapag may problem ako :)) and not only that, pati fun times syempre :P i love each and everyone of you :)

the truth hurts, a lies WORSE. :\

HAHA. :)) because of my problems, i'm going crazy, AGAIN. so, i definitely want to feel numb right now. i wanna forget everything. well, not entirely, everything.. just my problems.. haha. but that probably means everthing. haha! okay, i'm done laughing. haha. oops, not yet. eto na talaga. :P

do you know that feeling when you just want to stay inside your "safe-perfectly numb-peaceful" haven? beacuse you know the problems will attack you once you step outside? yep. that's how i feel. i'm hiding. i'm also blocking how i feel.. <-- a lot of people have been asking me what THAT means. well, it means: i'm stopping IT. (whatever it is.) come on. i want normality.. i miss the old times :( grabe, twice in my L life did i say that.. see? i just mess up everything. ha. that's me.. tapos.. parang.. hay wala lang.. UGH. ewan.. basta yun.. di ko na alam gagawin ko.. :(

it's changed. what is? EVERYTHING.

HAHA.

that's the way to start my entry.

so, it's summer.. currently in my province.. with my relatives.. attended my cousin's debut.. uh.. read 2 books already: HARD LOVE and THANKS FOR THE MEMORIES.

and.. about the OTHER stuff.. uh. ahaha! that's why i'm going to blog right now.



emote time again? uh.. probably. ahaha. okay. so my point exactly is, everything has changed, right? now, what want is for everything to ba back to NORMAL. i think most of you know what i'm talking about.. so, that. *sigh* why do i have to mess up everything?! i'm so.. CRAZY. ugh. that's it. the cause of all my problems is none other but me. and who could solve this? me again. but i don't even know what to do. it's.. all messed up i think.


CHANGE -- to be COMPLETELY different.


yeh. totally different. what am i going to do?


a. nothing
b. think
c. stare
d. talk
e. cry

hmm. i can't think straight.

ohhkay. i think i'm going crazy.

*btw, to people who read the last blog, and understood me.. ahaha. THANK YOU :) ily all.

anyway, back to the topic (what topic?ahaha!), i got sick and still am sick, so sick. HAHAHAHA! ohkay, crazy much? i got fever... because of tonsilitis...because...


i drank lots of cold water.




well, who can blame me? we all know how HOT it is. (thank goodness for the rain showers.)

so, i got weak.. recovered from fever last thursday... rest rest rest after that. but bad me, i know my throat is really hurting, but...


HELLO MOCHA CAKE!



ha. haha. hahaha. HAHAHAHA!

then friday morning:

*dun dun dun*.


my throat hurts even more. damn mocha cake. why do you have to taste so good?! i'm not blaming the cake na nga. kawawa naman eh..


and... you'd think i'd rest? HA. no way!

...i actually cleaned and fixed the living room, the bedroom and the kitchen... plus... my school stuff and placed it in my bookshelf.

hahaha. sipag. HAHAHA!

then i went to a clinic... got my meds... ate dinner... while watching... drank my med... text... then slept. HAHA!

my summer vacation so far is... :( that's it. ahaha. pero, dinadaan ko nalang sa tawa... 'coz i'm crazy and all that. anyway, i.. don't know what to say. ah! oh yah...i'm making a story. alalag. just sharing.

to whoever is reading this: how's your summer? :)

i know when i'm not needed. :/ tampo mode. grr to me.

summer vacation started last friday, march 20. yeh. it sucks.

so, here i am, going to be stuck at home.. and sadly, nobody even cares. not only that, but nobody cares about me and how i feel anymore. and i don't effing know if it's just an effing moodswing. i feel.. unhuman. i feel.. invisible. yeh. that's the correct term. it's like after classes, i don't feel anything anymore. let's just say, it's like "i'm only there when i'm needed". i'm not pertaining this to anyone in particular but, it hurts a lot when nobody even makes the effort to make me feel needed. damn. am i being so dramatic?

probably, your answer is yes. but who cares about me, right? so, if ever you get to read this blog of mine, it might seem like trash. it just hurts so much WHEN YOU DID EVERYTHING YOU CAN FOR THAT PERSON BUT THAT PERSON DOESN'T EVEN NOTICE. am i correct? or AS USUAL, am i wrong?

honestly, i wanna forget about the world already.. and nobody will care most likely. nobody sees my efforts! nobody knows how i really feel when people tell me bad things!!! i just laugh it out and pretend everything is okay with me! i'm pretending it doesn't hurt when people actually make fun of me! nobody cares about my problems whenever i tell them that. it's like i'm always the one to make the first move! i.. don't know what to say anymore.. i'm breaking down already. i can't take anymore of this..

but, i'm the kind of person who is so shallow. and when something good comes my way again, for me, everything is and will be alright, not knowing that the same predicament will repeat again, and again, and again. i'm guessing that one day, i'll be numb because of all this..

well, i guess, i'm quite happy when you reach this part of my blog because you read it up to here. but, probably some people are practically laughing their asses off right now.

i'm sorry. i just get really down when i've kept all my REAL problems inside me. i don't have a sibling to confide it with. it's just me to me.

* i haven't even posted my birthday blog yet, cause i'm not in the mood to write my fun day.

so.. i don't know what to say anymore. again. whatever then.

to all the people: hope you have a happy summer vacation.

-- tampo mode? probably. well, i hat myself, though i'm gonna start learning the guitar, my own.

-- siguro nga, mood swing toh. but, lets leave it be shall we?

Daddy Beni.

*pinilit ako :P

He is my father. LOL.

He wants to be mentioned here. HAHA.

and I was forced to do so.

He says "kahit ano, ikaw bahala." Obviously, ako talaga bahala. haha.

He is B2 in class numbers.

He is KULOT. lol.

He is makulit? YATA. LOL.

...and maingay. OH YEH.

part of Malimos Gang Band (before, or up to now?)



basta ayun.

TATAY ko yan!

haha :D


*daddy, ayan, masaya ka na?? haha :))
*pwede ka na rin mag-comment?

day-by-day.

since i haven't blogged for a week 'coz of exams (thank God it's over. then the worst is yet to come: RESULTS and the REPORT CARD.), i'll try to remember everything that happened this week. haha. as if i can. :P



LONG TEST WEEK:

i don't remember anything anymore. i was happy except for thursday and friday though.

01. 16. 09 ( friday.)

- well. we think *toot* has a gf. ang babaw noh? but still. he is the bandage that mended my heart. i'm talking about Jabby here.



"the bandage who mended my broken heart."



ayun. that night para akong tulala. i was alone for *counts* probably 4 hours that night. kasi, i thought he has a you-know-who. now, i don't know. grabe pa yung mga songs na nag-play/plinay ko sa iPod ko:


-my happy ending
-invisible
-slipped away
-he wasn't
-i'm with you
-complicated
..and more Avril Lavigne and Taylor Swift songs that i can't remember.


tapos, my cousin arrived and atlast, birthday niya the next day. haha.


01. 17. 09

- my mom and i treated my cousin and we watched The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button ( oh ghad. Brad Pitt. ) haha. super alt ng popcorn. haha. and we went home super late. :D



the next day. STUDY STUDY. HAHA.



EXAM WEEK!


-MONDAY: english, food tech. and computer.


-TUESDAY: filipino, pe and music.


-WEDNESDAY: biology, lt and ve.


-THURSDAY: social studies and italian.. and advanced "party" for our busmate.


-FRIDAY: math... and GIMMICK. :D


01. 22. 09

nung thursday, para kaming mga weirdo. and those weirdo's were:


-me
-deni
-hani
-shan
-kenneth (siya ung sinurprise eh.)


then, nag-mukha kaming mga cake pagkatapos dahil sa icing sa face namin.. before that though, i was sad. nung nasa red ribbon kami, bigla akong umiyak. nakakahiya. buti nalang unti tao. ahaha.

then nag-vain ako pagkatapos.. haha!

hmmm... then, naging happy din ako :D

01. 23. 09.
- movie :) we watched Bride Wars :D then... eat at MCDO. then, lakad-lakad. then, KTV. then , starbucks (nung kami nalang ni Jackie).oh and nakita namin si Sir Capistrano sa Fully Booked wala. ahaha! basta ayun. :)


...and now, i can't say i'm happy or sad. pero, okie lang. sana nga lang, EVERYTHING will be okie na.

*ay, may project pa pala na due. damn. sana maging masaya ulit ako mamaya.!




hello to:
-Deni
-Kim
-Charlene

and last but not the least(s) *drum roll*

-**Daddy Beni**- ( comment ko ha!!! special yan!!! )
-**Pe2xt**- ( ikaw lang nakakaintindi niyan :) )

from AbiGail to Jabby. :)

my first.. again. haha :) (eh i keep forgetting my email eh. haha. )

and this time, it's a HAPPY blog :)


*i know, i know. it's been a LONG year. if you know what i mean. :)



i am now almost OVER the other one.. YEY FOR ME !XD
thanks to the other one.

okay. so other one ako ng other one. hahaha! ;D

so i am almost OVER YELLOW.
thanks to JABBY.













...yey! weeeeeeeee!


and he treats me BETTER than the other :) *right people?!


anyway, my first blog ends here.



:)


♥.
J-abby